We, the undersigned Association of Outlander Outcasts, do hereby protest the upcoming fourth series of Outlander airing this autumn. We recall, whether four years ago, or on the acquisition of DVD boxed sets since, the moment when wives and girlfriends alike first invited us excitedly to join them in watching a drama in which the protagonist is swept back from the 1940s to the 18th Century. We politely refused.
Now, far be it from us to criticise a production that has made our wives and girlfriends happy. Indeed we understand the great cultural significance of a strong female protagonist with her own female gaze. For a while we felt liberated with more time in our man caves or more of our own TV time – providing it was on a separate device with headphones. And we didn’t breathe too loudly. Soon though the symptoms became troubling. Our lovers started to lose hours, then whole days of their lives. We were reprimanded in no uncertain terms that the mounting housework we could do ourselves while there were just three more episodes to the season. Then came the mail – the first book by Diana Gabaldon, then the sewing patterns accompanied by heated debates over McCall’s official Outlander sewing patterns and American Duchess’ Simplicity version. The subject of us wearing kilts came up, not to mention talk of moving to Scotland. This very Association of Outlander Outcasts was founded when our chairman was mistakenly called “Jamie” during a romantic evening.
We survived Poldark. There was something of an ego there we secretly aspired to as we dreamed of rippling muscles beneath a black frock coat ensemble. But to our sympathisers – Outlander Outcasts around the world – we have only one stark warning. Act now before its too late. Book a weekend in a luxurious hotel full of all the mod-cons only available in the 21st Century. Get a table in a high-end restaurant and, over a bottle of champagne, win back your partner before she is lost forever. Although you might still need to wear a kilt.
– Association of Outlander Outcasts